I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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