I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
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I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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