I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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