just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
