Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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