i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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