dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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