Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's always time for handjobs
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
