I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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