so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
