My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
