peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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