Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
