I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
