Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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