I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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