Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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