yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
