it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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