honey bunches of taint.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
