glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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