even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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