Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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