Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This is the high leading the old right now
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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