so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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