I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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