I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
