I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
