I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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