My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
