I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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