Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Randomize
