he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
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you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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