apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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