I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
