I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
