Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
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His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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