it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
