my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
