I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
