As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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