We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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