I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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