He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
