last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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