youre lurking in front of me
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish you could order shots online.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
