Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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