new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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