Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
