I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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