His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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