I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The adults are the big ones right?
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