Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
