I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
