At least make sure they are 18
Why
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize