You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
