Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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