I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
