pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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