Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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